What Not to Say to a Pregnant Woman

Being 7 months pregnant, I consider myself somewhat “seasoned” in terms of some of the dumb shit people say to pregnant women. Here’s my list, of things people have really, actually said to me.

1. “You don’t even look old enough to have a baby.” Thanks for thinking I’m 15 years old and got a broken-condom surprise.

2. “You’re getting huge!” And taking it a step further saying “Dude, your wife is HUUGE!” while motioning a HUUGE belly and puffing out your cheeks is just…goodness, don’t even getting me started. I only gained 9 pounds at that point. If you’re going to call a pregnant lady huge, at least…never mind, just don’t do it, it’s not a good idea. There are plenty of other things to say instead like – “You’re a beautiful pregnant woman!” And just stop there.

3. “Moooo.” – As I walk by you, in my frumpy work clothes. (Yep, I heard you, douchebag.) This is actually the one that inspired this post. Yes, I’m aware I have a belly. However, I’m hardly a cow. I’m carrying a child, douche. You should probably enlighten yourself instead of getting drunk every chance you can and (SURPRISE) getting discharged from the military. You can call me a cow all you want, at least I’ll have a job in a few months. And a beautiful baby calf.

4. “Oh, you’re pregnant?! I thought you were just, you know, packin’ on the pounds.” Shoulda kept that thought inside your head instead of sharing it with me. As if I wasn’t already worried about the idea of people thinking I was scarfing down the ice cream instead of creating a baby. You confirmed it, thanks.

5. “Oh you’re not going to ____? You really should.” Insert any word/phrase there, including breastfeed, stay at home, go back to work, circumcise, vaccinate…the list goes on. Pregnant women are already moms, and everyone in the world knows how much parents hate being told how to be a (in your opinion) “better” parent. Let us figure out what is best for us and our child.

6. “Ugh, you’re so lucky! …” When talking to a woman who is 6+ weeks (give or take) farther along than you, don’t tell her how easy she has it if she doesn’t have -insert pregnancy symptom here-. Nope, I don’t have much morning sickness anymore. Instead, I could rattle off about 10 other symptoms I suffer from, but that’s just annoying. Just because I chose not to give you a detailed list of everything doesn’t mean you have it so much easier. It probably sucks for the both of us – I just don’t bitch and complain all the time.

7. “Are you seriously bringing another human being into this world?” Um, yup. What kind of question is that? From a total stranger? That’s all I have to say here.

8. “Is that what you’re eating? You should have ____ instead.” I’m sure you were just the most prefect-est pregnant woman in the whole wide world. Congratulations. I’d offer you a cookie but I probably ate it.

9. “You’re glowing!” Are you fucking kidding? Do you see my insanely disgusting forehead acne? You’re clearly blinded by the sweat glistening off my face from the hot flash I’m having. There’s a difference between polite flattery and blatant lying. I have never met a woman who raved on and on about her glowing skin during pregnancy. Anyone? Anyone?!?

10. “Oh just wait until the baby is actually here, it’ll be so much harder/worse/etc.” Shut. Up. I love you and respect you, all you moms, but the last thing a pregnant woman wants to hear is how she is going to go through 9 months of baby-creating to have it be worse. Come on. You remember being pregnant, right? I really hate how women always seem have their own pissing contest. Or, fallopian tube contest? Is there a female version? I don’t know.

There you have it. My own personal list of ignorant comments I have received in my 7 months of pregnancy. I work around too many intelligent people on a daily basis.

Baby’s Nursery

The baby’s nursery is starting to come together…and I mean that loosely. It’s not fully cleaned out, though it is for the most part. We moved our computer desk to the garage (we never used it anyway). And now I use my old makeup vanity as my computer/printer desk in the guest room. I rarely sit down and do a full face of makeup. Lack of time, yes, but also because of a lack of energy. And the fact that no matter what products I use, my face is a mess of breakouts so sitting down and doing my makeup is just so much less fun. Therefore, the vanity got transferred into plastic bins under my sink and I keep one little basket of essential makeup items on my bathroom counter.

Things that were stored in the now-nursery were transferred to the other guest room’s closet. Not all the boxes, but most. So basically, the nursery is now a mess of baby stuff instead of just a mess. I’ll take photos of the full nursery once we get the crib, recliner, etc. But for now here are some bits and pieces of Baby’s nursery and some other cute crap.

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Evidently, you can never have too many Boppy pillows. The one in the middle is a newborn lounger, while the other two are your basic Boppy pillows (the feeding/support ones). My mother-in-law was thoughtful enough to send two of the feeding pillows, considering that we have a two-story house and I will be feeding him upstairs at night and downstairs during the day. The cover on the pillow to the right is organic, score!

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Baby bath! Baby’s Grammy (my mom) loves bath time and when she came to visit a couple weeks ago, she went crazy with baby bath buys. This is one of them. It’s the Summer Bath Center & Shower. The little hammock-looking thing in the middle can fit into the sink for newborn bath time. It comes equipped with it’s own little removable shower spout, too. We’re gonna be fancy bath-timers.

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Pack ‘n Play. I just love owls! I don’t usually like cheesy animals on baby stuff. It’s just…tacky. This was also the pattern that our car seat was going to be in until I scored the same car seat for MUCH less, just in a different pattern.

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We already have a decent start on diapers…accidentally. I signed up for a free trial through The Honest Company (review coming soon!). They send you some diapers and some of their other products like shampoo and hand wash, for free, but then you are automatically enrolled in their monthly membership. You have 7 days to cancel. Obviously I don’t need the monthly membership for diapers yet, and didn’t cancel in time before they charged me and sent one box of diapers, wipes and other products. So…I’m stocked up on Size 1 diapers for now! Hopefully we like them. I also bought a pack of Earth’s Best diapers, in newborn. I plan on doing half cloth diapers, half disposables as I’m not yet sure of my post-baby working situation and I also just want to see how cloth diapering works out for us. If we like it, then we’ll move to full-time cloth diapering.

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This one is MY pride and joy. I put this 9 piece cube storage together (ClosetMaid brand, purchased from Target) all by myself. The hubs isn’t a Mr. Fix It and I usually end up fixing things around the house and putting things together. Initially, I had only bought 6 cubes (3 green, 3 brown). Then decided I didn’t like that look and wanted to fill it up, and bought 3 more cubes in “natural”. I like it much better now! This will be baby’s dresser. I don’t like that most dressers for nurseries are also nursery-sized (AKA awkward and smallish). So we’ll save the dresser-splurge for when the baby moves on up to a big kid room.

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Here’s a picture of his closet…boy, this boy has CLOTHES! That’s both sides of the closet packed full, in addition to the clothes that are in the cube storage. Here, there are sleepers hanging up. But I moved them to the cube storage, as well as basic onesies to free up some hangers and closet space.

Never did I ever think I’d be writing about babies and Boppy pillows. Evidently, when you’re pregnant, that is ALL you can think about.